he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
