Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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