If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
