So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
