dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
