Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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