Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
