You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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