omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
