My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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