she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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