we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
