trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
