Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
