On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
