it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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