I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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