I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
