It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
