My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
