omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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