I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Randomize
