I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
