i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
