I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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