He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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