my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
