What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
