What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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