I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
