I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
