where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
