Taylor Swift is so right about you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
