Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
