I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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