He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
