surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
