There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
