Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
