you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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