i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
