She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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