susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
