sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
