My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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