I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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