He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
