He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
