My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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