They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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