I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
