Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
