Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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